How can I be happy? Wow – that’s a big one… Just asking this question means you’re on the right path, you’re examining your life, so good job! It’s also a question without a simple answer. In the end, each of us must unravel this riddle for ourselves, but know that happiness can be practiced and developed. It is absolutely possible to become a happier person.
First, how do you define happiness? There’s a misperception that happiness is feeling wonderful all the time, some kind of bliss. But that’s not true. I sometimes think of it as what it isn’t. An absence of fear, anger, anxiety… The state where things are good simply because there is an absence of bad. Some call it spiritual happiness where we feel at peace and content with ourselves and our lives. Others believe that living a life with purpose is the real key to “happiness.”
A good place to start is understanding the difference between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not. Time is our most valuable commodity and is spent with attention. Qui-Gon Jinn was spot on when he said, “your focus determines your reality.” Jedi wisdom for sure. Our attention has a huge impact on how we experience the world.
Next, focus on what you control. The biggest thing we control is our response. While we don’t have a lot of impact over what happens to us, we have a real choice over how we respond. You can choose to take a few breaths before you respond since it may allow your initial emotions to subside, especially if feeling angry or frustrated.
So, what deserves your focus and attention? One option is to begin with gratitude – for both the big and small things. It’s an easy and effective way to become happier. Simply spend your attention on the good things. And what even makes something “bad?” Perhaps it’s actually an opportunity to learn, grow and become stronger. Maybe that “bad” event turns out to be the best thing which ever happened to you. It all depends on how you respond…
As we dig deeper, it makes sense that to enjoy the present, we actually need to be IN the present. Most of us are constantly engaged in self chat, where we are stuck in a discussion with ourselves, often thinking about the past or the future and just drifting through the present. Sure, it’s important to learn from the past and prepare for the future, but we only live in the present. You may be anxious about an upcoming trip or upset about past performance, which means you’re not in the present. Worrying too much about something which hasn’t happened is volunteering to be miserable.
The present is a continuous string of events – it’s impossible to hold on to them as they are like grains of sand flowing through your fingertips. But if you slow down and focus your attention and awareness, you can catch a glimpse of something wonderful. A perfect pitch. The sweet sound of a barreled ball. The comfort of a hug, joy in a smile, beauty of a sunset… And then you feel it. You’re at peace. Even if just for a moment. Connecting with the present. And you’re content – you’re happy.
Happiness can be learned and practiced. Build good routines and habits. And cut yourself some slack. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Forgive others, but more importantly, forgive yourself and keep trying. We are human and imperfect, with good days and bad. Sometimes we just need to get through the day knowing that tomorrow always brings something new. And if all else fails, just smile. Really, try it. 😊
Things to try, find something that works for you:
- Deep breathing
- Meditation
- Stoicism
- Gratitude practice
- Journal
- Exercise
- Friends
- Sleep
- Time outside
- Screen limits
- Spirituality
- Stop judging
- Work hard and with a purpose
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