We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. Someone cuts you off in traffic – you can choose how to respond. Do you get angry? Do you view things from a different perspective? Do you just blow it off and not give it a 2nd thought? You can choose how to respond. Don’t get picked for an all-star team? Didn’t get the job you desperately wanted? How do you respond? Do you view things as unfair and unjust, rage and get angry? Or do you focus on what you control, get motivated to practice more, try harder, look for other opportunities?
OK – easier said than done. A few tips: Take a breath after the initial event. Slow down. Consider different perspectives. Don’t take things personally. View life through the lens of gratitude and opportunity. It’s generally draining an unproductive to feel angry. Remind yourself that no one makes you feel a certain way. You can choose differently. And just keep trying…
Ryan Holiday states it clearly, “the single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not.” The more we are aware of this key difference, the better we can use our time, focus our attention, control our worry and anxiety, etc. Our minds are an endless stream of self talk, chatter, noise. Stoicism helps filter through the mass of useless, counterproductive thoughts and hone in on what’s truly important. Attention is a valuable and limited commodity – spend it deliberately.
One of the most iconic stoics is the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. He journaled constantly in Meditations. These were his private thoughts. He didn’t write them down for anyone else, but for himself. To remind himself of what was important. What he could influence. What deserved his attention. This stuff’s hard – that’s why we practice.
Finally, Tim Ferriss explained stoicism as an operating system for thriving in high stress situations. It’s worth exploring.